I was confused about what I was supposed to do with my life. I was doing my daily practice, listening to weekly knowledge, and doing some small volunteering. I thought I was doing everything necessary to be content, but I was actually sad.
I quit my full time job, for a part time job. I went back to school to fulfill my dream of a second career in holistic medicine. Small things were going wrong; I wasn’t enjoying my new life. I cried a lot because I felt lonely and doubtful. I thought there was something very wrong with me. I thought that by doing my practice regulary, I should be very strong and confident. Only weak people cry.
During that time, I realized the true desire deep in my heart. I didn’t want be in the U.S.; I wanted to go to India and study Ayurvedic medicine.
I couldn’t go to without first spending time back home in Nicaragua to establish Art of Living. I didn’t know anybody else who could, or wanted to do that. I felt a strong responsibility to towards that and my family.
One night, before Guru Purnima 2012, I dreamt of Guruji. It was a strange dream. I was watching him at a distance while he sat down to dinner with another man. They were speaking to each other. Guruji was dressed in a “normal man’s” clothes – regular pants and shirt – and not his usual wardrobe. His hair was tied in a low pony tail.
I heard him tell the other man “Please tell Susana not to worry; even I have cried sometimes. It’s okay”.
I kept that dream in my mind all throughout the next day. It had been so vivid for me; I felt uplifted by his words.
Later in the evening, some friends and I got together to watch video replay of what Guruji said earlier during the Guru Purnima celebration. When I saw him, I had a strange sensation of having been in his presence the night before.
He told the story of Shiva, and his son Kartikeya. Kartikeya wanted to occupy the place of guru by teaching Lord Shiva the meaning of OM. Guruji said the meaning of OM is love, that we all are love, and all that exists is love. At the end he breaks into a light sob.
I felt his emotion and I wanted to be there to hug him. I understood completely. I, too, had experienced tears of overwhelming love. I knew then, that the dream I experienced the previous night was no coincidence at all, nor was it my own mind’s projection. It was a message from the all-permeating love that connects us all.
I knew that the sadness I felt was from love that I had not yet shared, or put into action. I was called to go back home to Nicaragua, and I did.
Since that time, we have had a couple of Art of Living courses. I reconnected with my mother and my family. I had not shared with them the things I’ve learned on my spiritual path. I now feel happier than ever because two of my family members have taken the course and loved it. I have grown a lot from the service I have done here. I hope that someday – sooner rather than later – I get to fulfill my next goal which is moving to India to become an Art of Living teacher and Ayurvedic doctor.
I wish that all of you find your inner calling in 2014, if you have not yet done so.