Dualities arise in the mind on account of choice. When one has to make a decision between beneficence and attachment, convenience and commitment, this way or that way. ….when the mind is torn between two choices of opposing nature and cannot reach a conclusive result, that’s when there is disturbance in the mind. The mind that was calm like a serene lake suddenly has been disturbed by strong under-currents. We face a zillion choices in a day. It could be simple things like a choice between grey pants or black trousers? Coffee or tea? Or it could be a complicated mess like ‘should I tell him?’ or ‘should I hide it?’ That’s when a simple choice can become a conflict, not just internal but also external. So the other extreme of choice is conflict. And conflict is nothing but a duality in the mind.
How does one handle dualities of a complicated nature?
It depends on what is more important to you? Is it your ego or is it peace? Is it all about ‘ME’ or is it for the greater good? The intellect always knows what the right thing is but the ego opens up the accounts register and makes its own profit and loss statement. It evaluates the situation at a very calculative level and may not take any emotions or values into account? That’s exactly where when can stumble! Observe yourself if you fall into this category. Then you are type A.
On the other hand there are people who only think emotionally. They find emotions too strong to deal with and therefore they give into their emotional side at the expense of practicality. The emotional decision may lead to a lot of difficulties for them and the others around. If you fall into this category, then you are type B.
How to free life from a conflicting mind?
I call it a 4 point rule:
1) Be Mindful – First thing is to become AWARE of the conflict within. We may be conscious but we are not always aware. We are not mindful of our own emotions. We are not aware of our own breath. Are you aware that you are breathing? Now that I point it out, now you became aware, right? Keeping an awareness of how you are feeling all the time is called mindfulness. Become mindful that there is a conflict between right and wrong in the mind. The confusion is caused by these two opposing forces. Become aware of the storm of emotions within caused by the two choices.
2) Stop resisting the conflict and AGREE to experience the fire of conflicts! – Making a decision can be difficult, sometimes one has to pick between right and wrong, good and bad, etc. Agree to be with the discomfort, don’t try to run away from it, because wherever you go, your mind goes with you and so will your conflict. You will again be in the same situation because the agitation is not external; it is in the mind and created by the mind. Embrace with both hands what comes; don’t resist it as the resistance will only prolong the duration of the storm of the conflict!
3) Accept that it is the Nature of Life that opposites exist, hence choices and conflicts arise, they play the duration of their game and then they dissolve! That’s just the way it is! There is summer as well as winter, there is night as well as day, there is good as well as bad. On account of the existence of these opposites, there is choice. It was designed to provide freedom of will. Recognize that Life is full of opposites! Fire evaporates water and Water extinguishes Fire! That is their Nature. Accept the opposites!
4) Remind yourself that YOU are bigger than the storm of conflicts! The storm cannot destroy you! There is a stronger force that is taking care of you! Relax! You are the ocean that is deep, vast, calm and blue in its depth. When there is a storm of conflicts, it is only at the surface level; deep down the ocean is silent! These waves just rise and fall on the surface of your self, but deep down you are that Beautiful Ocean of Love and Peace!
5) The answer lies within – Yes, that’s true! The human intellect is one of the sharpest instruments available on this planet and each one of us is blessed with it. Once you realize that you are bigger than the storm, the mud starts settling down, the emotions slacken their hold on you and you calm down. This is when the intellect blossoms and you find the answer hidden right within you.
What is the purpose of these storms of conflicts in life?
The creator designed the universe to be continuously in a state of evolution, including every human mind. The fastest way to evolve is to let go off the old and adopt the new. The storms destroy the small personality within; they take away the smallness within you. You come out of a storm completely new, shedding away all that is old and stale. Every storm leaves you empty. You cry, but if you are knowledgeable you will LAUGH! Life was designed to evolve and the storm has only helped you to evolve into a higher mind! This is wisdom! Wisdom is your life jacket! It saves you from drowning.
Wake up and realize that there is no other way but to bear the storm. Wherever you go, you’ll carry your mind and create the same storm. Unless you look into this nothing will help in the long term. There is no other permanent Solution!